


Finally Said It

by MyMomSaidSo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Feelings, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past ushikiyo, Past ushioi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 09:36:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12702192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyMomSaidSo/pseuds/MyMomSaidSo
Summary: "I love you.""Me-" He saw the glint in Ushijima's eyes. The taller was anticipating. "Me-meteor shower tomorrow, okay?"





	Finally Said It

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE SCHOOL IN SIX HOURS AND I HAVEN'T SLEPT YET

_Moon river, wider than a mile_  
_I'm crossing you in style, someday_

It was always the same song that Mama sang. Semi knows it by heart, knows every note to hit and every word to utter. Mama said it was their theme song. Whenever it would play on the radio or television, Papa would get up from where he was sitting and take her by the arms and say in such a loving voice, "Dance with me."

Mama would always have that look on her face. That soft, loving look. Her eyes would sparkle as she danced so gently (but not as graceful as she used to considering the antics that Papa would do to make her laugh) with the man she loved. Papa would laugh wholeheartedly when Mama missed a step, the woman softly stepping on his foot with a grin on her face.

Semi always liked watching them dance. They looked so happy, so contented. It never failed to bring a hopeful smile on his face. Mama would then turn to him and reach out a hand as if saying, "Come, Eita." to which Semi would gladly run to, hugging his parents as he joined their silly dance. Really, he wouldn't trade this for the world. His parents were his world, and he was theirs.

Semi was only six, and he didn't understand much, but the thought of finding someone to dance with like this someday never really left him. What would it be like when he'll grow up and find someone special, like Mama is to Papa? What would it be like to love, romantically? He could never name this feeling, and it hurt sometimes, but it was nice. He'd shrug it off like it was nothing (he's only six, why would he think of such things?) and continued to dance with his parents. He'll ask more questions when he's older.

 

* * *

 

He became "Shiratorizawa's pretty boy".

I mean, come on, getting in the academy through sports scholarship (meaning he was pretty damn good that the _prestigious_ school even saw him), decent grades, a talent at dancing (surprisingly, he specialized in B-boying), and looks that could _almost_ rival Oikawa's, there was no way Semi Eita could escape the public's attention. Though he was pretty famous, his humility never wavered, and volleyball was still his true love.

Until he met this girl.

She was pretty, with medium length hair and a boyish vibe. Semi liked her. She was pretty smart too so they hit it off quickly. They spent time a lot, constantly texting each other, and even hung out when Semi wasn't practicing or when the girl had a lot of free time. Her sense of humor did not escape him; her laugh was infectious.

Semi fell in love.

She did too, and they dated. They dated for quite a while. Perhaps the first love affected Semi a lot, he introduced the girl to his mother. Mama was surprised when Semi brought her home. He promised not to touch her, though, but Mama was still worried.

One afternoon when they were heading home, he wondered if his girlfriend was going to introduce him to her parents. When Semi asked her, her face became pale.

"No," she huffed. "I'm sorry, b-but...I can't. I shouldn't."

She sounded scared, and Semi internally panicked. "Why? What's wrong?"

He didn't realize they stopped walking until she looked at him, her pretty eyes glistening with tears. "I'm not supposed to have a boyfriend yet. Father and mother will hit me if they find out."

Liar. The look on her face said, _They won't, but I'm embarrassed to be seen with you._

"Let's keep us a secret then! We won't let them know about us!" What was he saying?

"No. I'm sorry. I can't. I just can't. Let's stop this, Eita-kun."

Semi threw his bag on his bed when he got home. He didn't hear Mama calling him to come down for dinner.

 

* * *

 

Papa died when Semi was only eight. It was sudden, and to think it was on the day Semi got a score of 18/20 in his hardest subject: English. It was supposed to be the day he was going to run home and show his parents what a superb job he did, instead he was running, running in the hospital's hallways to the emergency room after his aunt brought him with her. The nurses were scolding him because running was prohibited but fuck that, Papa fell down and Mama was crying when she called Auntie, how could Semi not run?

When he got to the emergency room, it was too late. Mama was on her knees, wailing, with the doctor in front of her. Semi looked at the doctor and his blood ran cold when he saw the look on the man's face.

He heard Mama screaming, "No! Ejiro!!"

Semi did not need anyone to tell him.

 _Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker_  
_Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way_

He didn't notice the tears that fell from his face. He crumpled his test paper. Stupid. _Stupid_.

 

* * *

 

Papa wasn't coming back, and neither was Semi's ex. Actually, he still sees her in school, but they never spoke again like they used to. He had to endure Tendou's jeers throughout the day, even in practice. Whatever. She wasn't worth it, anyway. Semi was just too dumb and in love to not see that.

So maybe she wasn't his true love.

He decided to focus on his studies and activities instead. Semi strived to improve his grades and his serves, too, since he felt a little bit inspired when he observed Ushijima's killer serves.

And then there was this thing about Ushijima. Recently, Semi's eyes have been following the wing spiker, and he didn't know why. At first, he shrugged it off as a setter's job. A setter was to observe his spiker's well-being, actions, his interaction with their other team mates, his spiker— _Ushijima_ —in general. It was like that the past few weeks until it really bothered him. What is with Ushijima that Semi just can't, literally, keep his eyes off of him?

Sure, he was good looking. He has a nice build, great skills, and a commanding vibe that sort of turned Semi on, even if just by a bit.

Yo, what the hell. _"I_ _'m not gay_. _"_

The shifting of clothes in the locker room stopped and his team mates stared at him confusingly. Yamagata spoke first, "Eita?"

His cheeks flushed when he realized he'd been thinking out loud. "Oh shit, um. Nothing. It's nothing."

Again, Semi failed to escape Tendou's cackles and pointing.

 

* * *

 

Throughout his high school years, Semi met different girls. They were simultaneously slightly younger and older than him, some were from different schools, others were exes or flings of his friends. Nonetheless, he dated most of them. Some were somehow serious, others were not, some girls lasted only a week, or if Semi was feeling adventurous and a bit dangerous, he participated in one-night-stands and ridiculous flings.

Semi became a bad, bad boy. To the point that he considered to dye his hair on his own. It went pretty badly, and once more, Tendou made fun of him for it.

He scratched his head in annoyance during water break. "Satori would you please stop? God, you're so annoying."

"Not as annoying as your hair-do. What, did your hands shake from all the tosses and serves? The shaking must be pretty damn bad if your hair looked like that, then."

Tendou received a punch in the gut. The coach scolded them both for it.

"This is all your fault, you shit."

"I live to tease, Semisemi."

A vein popped in Semi's head and he subtly punched Satori on the arm this time. Satori was saved...somehow.

 

* * *

 

Semi loved, lost, broke, and loved again. Because life treated him like shit, he did shitty things just to get even. The girls became a part of his life, whether he liked it or not. A particular few left a great impact on him, to the point that his mannerisms and view on life are what they are now partially because of their influence, but mostly because he learned. He did shitty things, but he learned. Although, there will be no guaranteeing that he won't do them again. Semi became a bad boy (without his mom knowing anything, not _one_ thing) but he does his best to regain himself once in a while.

He still gets sad and anxiety often knocks on his door, even if he likes to think he is a bad boy. Sometimes he dreams of his dad dying again. And again. And again. Until he gets depressed and would resort to cutting his wrists. He needs to stop these thoughts because these thoughts were making him sad, making him angry, driving him crazy and he just wanted to scream.

  
Mama caught him one day, and her hands were shaking when she managed to get the blade off of his hold. She was crying again, and Semi almost felt guilty.

 

* * *

 

In college, he met Sugawara Koushi and Shirofuku Yukie, and they became the best of friends.

One would even mistake them for siblings considering how close they were to each other, not to mention the uncanny resemblance between Sugawara and Semi.

"Don't you see, our names all start with S! I could be your younger sister. It's destiny, I say!" Yukie would squeal.

"Hmm yes," Suga would chide in, "but you would be adopted."

"Unfortunately." Semi sighed.

"Okay wow. Kou-kun, I'm not giving you back your money."

Suga laughed. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I take it back, you are 100% legitimately our blood-related sister, my sweet, kind sister who would so very kindly hand me my money back."

Yukie hummed and put her finger on her chin, as if contemplating on what the fair-haired boy said. "Hmmm. Let's see...nope!" she grinned.

"Yu-chan!" Suga cried. Yukie just stuck her tongue out in reply.

Semi snickered at the pair's bickering. It'd be nice if he did have a sister, or a sibling at all. He felt lonely sometimes. Scratch that, he always felt lonely. His fingers hovered to the areas of his wrist where he used to cut. _No. Not today._

"If you happen to have a boyfriend though, you must let us know first, Yukie. We can beat the shit out of him."

"Yeah but before she even does fall in love with someone, she has to give me my money back. I don't have allowance for tomorrow!"

"You can go and cry about it, Kou-kun because that ain't happening!"

This time, Semi poured his time on his studies, friends, and family—the important stuff—because he's done enough damage during his high school days. He's going to strive for better, he's going to do better and be the person his parents would be proud of. A man Papa would have been proud of. He's going to do this. For Mama. For Koushi and Yukie. For his future.

He's going to grow up.

This time, there will be no girls.

 

* * *

 

Well he never said there would be no time for boys.

Correction: _boy_.

Wait, what?

 

* * *

 

He was in a cafe nearby typing away on his laptop, with Suga checking on the papers they needed. Suga sighed heavily, "Eitaaaaaaa. Let's stop this. I'm so tired."

"The deadline is in two days, Koushi. We can't afford to slack off. The prof would kill us if we don't move."

"Fuck what that shitty prof says. I'm so damn tired. I stayed up all night for these," he waved the papers in his hand and Semi cringed, "and even if Daichi did help, it was still ridiculously draining and I almost hit my toe on the furniture. Please. Have Yu-chan finish this instead."

Semi lifted his head from the laptop, "Okay fine. Go order something and let Yukie do your job when she gets here." He hands Suga money.

"Nice!" Suga took the money from his hands and ran off to the counter to order God knows what. As long as it keeps Suga energized, he needs his participation in this report. Where was Yukie anyway? She's late!

The cafe's chime rang as the door opened and the staff welcomed the new visitor. It was Yukie. Finally. She looked for her bestfriends until she spotted Semi, and cheerfully approached the man.

"Sorry I'm late," she sat down, "the bus I took was crowded and I almost got robbed."

"You what?!" The other customers glared at them. "S-sorry."

" _Almost_. I punched him before he even got to me."

"...punched?"

"Kou-kun taught me." Of course. "Also, I saw this really hot guy just outside the cafe and if I wasn't rushing to do this project with you guys, I would have asked for his number."

"That is, if he was willing to give it to you." Sugawara butted in.

"Hey, Kou-kun!"

Sugawara sat down to join the pair. "I ordered for the three of us. Eita's treat."

"Really, Ei-kun?!"

"Yeah, but I ask for your utmost cooperation in return because there is no way in hell I'll be able to finish this on my own in two goddamn days."

"I'll help!"

"Me too, but after eating. Also everyone should stop what they're doing when our orders arrive because I need to update my Instagram. We need to make it look like we're enjoying ourselves."

Semi rolled his eyes. "I beg to differ with the _enjoying_  part."

Yukie scoffed in return. "Kou-kun is sooo extra."

"I'm willing to make an effort if it would make Oikawa seethe in envy."

"When will you stop taunting the guy?"

"Never. He flirted with Daichi so this is what he gets in return."

"I don't get this revenge thing."

"You and me both, Yukie."

The cafe's chime rang once more when the trio's order arrived. Yukie thanked the waitress and started crossing off things on the papers so that Semi would be able to edit them later. She momentarily glanced to the counter and suddenly perked up when she caught sight of the newcomer.

She gasped so loudly that Semi looked at her funny, she then slapped Suga's shoulder repeatedly and the poor man almost choked on his drink. "Yukie, what the hell?!"

She was squealing, practically crumpling the sleeve of Sugawara's cardigan in her strong hold. She waved her hands at Semi. "That's him! That's him!!!"

"Who the fuck?" Sugawara turned to the aforementioned person that Yukie was fawning over. He squinted his eyes as he tried to clearly see who this prick was. Stupid fucker interrupted his sweet, sweet time with his drink.

"Wait...is that?"

"You know him, Kou-kun?" Yukie's eyes were practically sparkling.

The stranger turned around and sat on a nearby table. Sugawara's eyes widened.

"Oh holy shit, it IS him! I knew that stupidly satisfying broad back anywhere!"

Yukie was squirming in her seat, report quickly abandoned. "Kou-kun, who in the hell-"

"It's Ushiwaka!"

"Ushi what?" Yukie scrunched her nose.

Semi looked up from his laptop and whipped his head in an embarrassingly quick speed to look at the " _stranger_ ".

Holy shit, it really is Wakatoshi. And my God, he became even hotter than the last time Semi saw him. _Not today please, gay thoughts_. They need to finish this report as soon as possible. _Please, gay thoughts. Stop_.

He swallowed a lump in his throat. It felt dry so suddenly. Oh dear.

"Well someone needs to drink his frappe because he's thirsty as hell."

"Shut up, Yukie," he diverted his attention back to his work and tried not to steal a small glance from his former team mate. Key word: _tried_.

 

 

Amazingly, the three of them managed to finish their report in less than a day. They finally have two days off before the deadline, and they were going to rest the fuck out of those days. Semi still has to double-check though, but that can wait for later.

While they were drowning in their work, Ushijima got up from his seat and prepared himself to leave. He walked by their table and momentarily halted when he caught sight of a familiar tuft of badly dyed hair.

"Eita?"

The trio froze in the middle of their work and Semi slowly turned to face him. "Oh h-hey." He ignored the looks he got from his friends. " _Didn't_ -...I mean, fancy seeing you here," the taller man nodded his head in acknowledgement, "Wakatoshi."

"Hey. I didn't know you attended college around here," Ushijima noticed the people Semi were with and extended his hand to the other two in the table for them to shake. "Ushijima Wakatoshi."

Yukie gladly took the gesture along with a wide grin on her face, "Shirofuku Yukie. Single. Oh and this is Sugawara Koushi," Suga raised a brow at her. "He's taken."

Semi sighed and wished to the heavens that the red hue in his cheeks would remain hidden from his former team mate. Yukie was a natural flirt but to think that she'd be flirting with Ushijima of all people, Semi prayed that the ground should just swallow him up. Also, why was he so embarrassed anyway? If it were just some other faceless guy, he wouldn't even look at him. But it wasn't just "some guy", it was _Ushijima_. Why is this even happening right now.

 _You're not gay, you're not gay, you are **not** gay,_ Semi chants in his head. His internal conflict ceased when a phone was handed to him (and ah, how nice to see these large hands again). He looked up at the owner. "Your number."

"Huh?" Sugawara choked on his drink, for real this time, but only because he tried to stifle his laughter. Yukie smacked him on the head.

"Please. I mean, I'd like to keep in touch with you, and our other team mates too if possible. I apologize if it's so sudden. I just didn't think I'd see you again after graduation."

 _Holy shiiiit, why does this feel so nice? Fucking butterfly fucks._ "U-hm," a cough, "Sure. Yeah." Semi took the phone from the spiker and entered his digits, praying that his stupid hands would stop shaking. Ushijima didn't notice though, _good_ , but stupid Sugawara is still laughing even if he's covering his mouth. Yukie's quietly scolding him, but her eyes equally meant mischief. These two...

"Here. I put it under my last name."

"Thank you. I'll text you later so that you'll be able to save my number. I have to get to practice now, the coach is scarier than Washijo," Semi snickered at that. "See you. Oh, I apologize if I disturbed you three."

Yukie waved it off, "Oh, it's fine, it's fine! Don't worry about it! In fact, I think we're going to finish this faster than ever!"

Sugawara chided in, "She means it, Ushiwaka-kun."

"It's Ushijima. I'm off, then."

Sugawara turned to Semi. "He's so straight-forward. Even I was surprised!"

"Who cares? He's hot! Ei-kun, text me his number later!"

Semi stuck his tongue out to Yukie as he resumed typing. "Yeah, no."

"Stingy!" Yukie puffed her cheeks. Both her and Suga might have noticed the silly grin on their friend's face. They looked at each other.

"Ei-kun's growing up."

"He sure is. The wonders of young love."

"What the hell are you two going on about?"

"Nothing, nothing. Those who are inspired must shut up and get back to work."

"Fuck you, guys."

"No thanks. I have Daichi."

 

* * *

 

 _Two drifters, off to see the world_  
_There's such a lot of world to see_

"Ma? You're still listening to that song?"

"Of course! So rude, Eita!" Said boy got a smack on his head. "I'll remember your father this way. And all the times we've been through. And the way he holds me when we dance. We got married to this song, mind you."

The woman shifted slightly and her movements were gracefully syncing with the music. She closed her eyes and held her arms as if Papa was still with her. Semi frowned.

"Oh come on, Ma, you're making me sad." The woman chuckled in reply.

"Alright, here. I'll dance with you instead." He held the woman in his arms and she smiled wholeheartedly as she placed her hands on her son's shoulders.

"Oh my, you're taller than your father now, Eita. Way taller! You do know the moves, right?"

Seventeen year old Eita laughed. "Ma we are literally just swaying. And yes, I know the moves. By heart."

They danced until Eita remembered he had 7 AM class the next morning. His mother just teased him because of it.

 

* * *

 

Ushijima texted him that night. Semi punched the wall so many times Iwaizumi (his roommate) got worried about the neighbors' possible complaints by tomorrow morning.

"Girl?" Iwaizumi asked.

Semi happily shook his head.

"Boy, then?"

He nodded so fast Iwaizumi was afraid his neck was going to snap.

"Good. Same for me."

"Oikawa?"

"HAHA! _No_."

"Liar."

Iwaizumi scoffed. "Whatever."

Both men went to bed with smiles on their faces. Suddenly Iwaizumi's phone rang. It was the Star Wars theme song. "Shit!" The dark haired man scrambled in his bed and immediately stood up, phone held to his ear. "Why now of all times?!"

"Gahahahahaha! I knew it was Oikawa!"

 

* * *

 

  
After multiple texts and a bunch of friendly calls, Semi felt like flying. He knew he shouldn't be feeling this way but he has to be honest with himself: he has a big, _big_ crush on Wakatoshi. He knew he liked the guy even way back in high school, but now with the distance and the sort of long separation he could really say that he totally likes him. They talk a lot now, even more than they did back then, and together with his best friends' teasing, his feelings just skyrocketed.

"I'm so gay. I'm very very gay. Oh my God I didn't think I'd get this gay."

"I thought that was common knowledge already? Right, Yu-chan?" Said girl hummed in response as she continued to scroll on her phone.

"Gay as in happy!"

"What's the difference?"

Well, Sugawara does have a point. Semi is on cloud nine with extra butterflies in his stomach and his heart's doing the backflip because of Ushijima. Which is, frankly, a guy. That _is_ pretty gay.

"I still think girls are cute though?"

"Dude. You just literally announced that you are a raging homosexual."

"Well can't I be both?

"Bi? Sure. I mean, Daichi is bi. Nothing wrong with that."

If he was honest, Ushijima was the only man that ever made Semi feel this way. There's always, always just something about him, yet Semi can't put it into words. He'll soon find out though. Hopefully.

 

* * *

 

His hands were sweating and trembling and it didn't help that his blood's running cold. His heart's beating like crazy and he just wants all of it to stop because it's just so, so painful please just stop, stop, _stop_ -

"I like you, Eita. Like, a lot. In ways I didn't think I could even like someone. I just, I don't know. You're pretty, you're smart, you're just amazing in your own way. I don't- I don't know why I just felt this now because you were just as amazing back then but I guess I was stupid not to notice that but right now what I feel is real and I know you may not trust me enough and it's shocking that your old captain would suddenly say this to you out of the blue, but I've been thinking about this long and hard and you just wouldn't leave my mind and you're still there even during practice that my team mates are laughing at me because I'm just so distracted, and I constantly check my phone in case you were to pop up in my notifications and I just want to spend a lot more time with you-"

Oh God not now. Of all times to call, why now.

"Wakatosh-"

"And I want to know you again. And again. And again. I want to know what you like, what you don't like, what you live for, what you're passionate about, who you're friends with, how you're doing, just. Everything about you. I want to make up for lost time, and I want you to trust me. Maybe not now, I also want you to take your time. I just, really need to get this off of my chest. I'm sorry, I'm babbling right now-"

"Are...are you drunk?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I know I shouldn't take advantage just because I'm drunk but I can't help it, I'm sorry. Eita, I like you. I like you. I like you."

"I-" He's surprised he could even speak at the moment.

"I like you. I like you."

"I-I get it, Wakatoshi. I get it."

"I like you."

"Please rest, Wakatoshi."

"I like you." came a hushed whisper. "I like you. So much."

There was only silence on the other line, but Semi's erratic breathing can be heard.

"Are you...are you crying, Eita?" Wakatoshi's voice became softer this time. The only reply he got was gradual heaving and the tiniest hint of sobs and hiccups.

"Eita I'm so sorry. Oh God, I didn't mean to- I'll...I'll go now."

"No," Semi croaked. "Stay for a while. Please."

"A-alright. Okay, okay. I'm here."

"Are you still drunk?" It hurts, it hurts. He's so vulnerable right now and he just needs to hold on to something, anything.

"I'm sorta sober now."

A wet chuckle escaped Semi's lips. "That was fast."

"Actually, I wasn't even that drunk. Just a bit, I still have practice tomorrow. I smoke to get rid of the taste of beer."

"You smoke? That's..." _hot_. "unexpected."

"Yeah..." A pregnant pause was present between the two. "Are you okay?"

"I'm...I'm having a panic attack right now."

"Oh shit, I-"

"No, no. It's- it's okay. Just, please stay with me for a while."

"I will. I'm not hanging up."

Eita closed his eyes and listened to Wakatoshi's breathing. He breathed at the same time, and he did it for a while to keep himself grounded. _Positive thoughts, positive thoughts._

"Eita."

"Hmm."

They shared the silence until Eita's breathing went back to normal. His heart hurts less now, and he could feel his face wet from tears.

"W-wakatoshi. You- you can hang up now."

"It's fine, Eita. I said I'll stay."

Eita managed to crack a small smile, and he slowly lulled himself to sleep. On the other line, Wakatoshi can hear Eita's tiny snores and he took this as a signal to finally end the call. He placed his phone on his bedside. By this hour, he smoked three cigarettes. He rubbed his eyes and headed to the bathroom to wash his face. He chose the wrong time to confess.

To think that Eita was going through a lot and he just suddenly called.

"You are such an asshole. A huge asshole who doesn't deserve the good things in life. You fucked up big time." He glared at his reflection, water still dripping from his face.

"Shit..." He really has to apologize to Eita tomorrow. He took his phone and searched for the nearest flower shop, and opened a new tab to type: _"how to deal with panic attacks."_

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Semi didn't really expect a visitor. He was reheating the food Iwaizumi cooked for the both of them and he didn't think someone except his roommate (or Sugawara; he hangs out in their dorm sometimes) would even think of coming by this time of the day.

When he opened the door, he was greeted by a happy golden retriever and a man in a tracksuit attached to the end of its leash. Said man had a bouquet of yellow roses and sunflowers with him.

"Umm?" Semi felt a smile creep into his face. "May I help you?"

"Eita," came the voice of none other than Ushijima Wakatoshi. "Hello. Good morning. Uhm, I came by to say hi..."

Semi snorted. Oh man, it's only 7 in the morning and things are already so interesting. "Come in, Wakatoshi. And bring your pooch with you."

"How'd you know I lived here?" He gave his visitor a cup of warm coffee and crouched down to pet the fluffy dog. He always wanted to have a pet but unfortunately, Mama was allergic to animal dander. He wonders if Iwaizumi would be okay if he were to have a pet here, their dorm allowed pets after all.

"I passed by Iwaizumi when I bought these flowers. Oh, these are for you by the way." He handed the bouquet gently to Semi, in which the other gladly accepted. Ah, his eyes became puffy from all the crying he did last night. Ushijima slightly sunk in his seat.

"Oh, thank you," Semi flushed. "You didn't have to though."

"Oh but I wanted to," _You need them._

Semi became quiet after that and Ushijima wondered if he had said something wrong. He looked down at his dog and thought of what to do. It was really awkward, he really needed to say something after all the words said last night.

"You know," Semi finally spoke. "You're supposed to minimize smoking. It's not good for you."

 _Oh he remembered._ "Y-yeah. I'm...I'm thinking of quitting though. And I limit myself on drinking too."

"You really should, considering you play and all."

"Uh yeah...I just-" Ushijima's hands were fidgeting.

"Wanted to get things off your chest last night?" He's staring.

"Uhm, yes. Yeah. Look, I..." _Say it, dumbass_. "I'm sorry about last night. So suddenly...I didn't know." _What are you doing? Say it!_

"It's fine!" Semi stood. "I...I mean, it really is fine. You helped me last night." He smiled so sweetly, Ushijima felt his heart skip a beat.

"Really? I'm glad to hear that," he reached out to pet his dog beside him. It wagged its tail, seldomly barking when it craved more affection. "I do mean it, though. What I said last night."

"Since when?"

"When I saw you again in that cafe. Before, Tendou wouldn't stop talking about you. I was starting to think that maybe he was the one that liked you, but then I saw him holding hands with Kawanishi the next day." _Getting off topic_.

"No way?! Taichi and him?" Eita's eyes shone.

"I had the same reaction, too," _Don't delay_. "But seriously. I mean it. I don't know how and why, I just...never felt this way before." The tips of his ears were flushed, and he brought his hand to his neck. Man, confessing when you're sober is really hard. "And I wanted to tell you because it felt like that was the right thing to do."

 _It's only been weeks, how can you be sure of that?_ Semi thought. "Have you been in love before?"

"Yes."

"With...with a man?"

"...Yes. Once."

Semi's eyes looked down, anywhere but Ushijima's eyes. Or face. Or hands. _Anywhere_ but him. Look at his dog, quick. His dog.

"I'm not in a hurry, Eita." _Say it._ "I"m not asking you to feel the same way either." _Are you fucking serious?_ "I just wanted to let you know, because that's what you're supposed to do when you like someone: you tell them." _I'm in love with you._ "And when you had that panic attack, I immediately felt like I need to be with you more." _Since forever_. "You're in pain and I want to ease it, somehow. Make you happy even for a bit." _I love you._ "I don't like seeing you hurt, I don't want you to feel sad." _Please_. "So I hope my feelings make you feel better...in a way." _I want to hug you._ "I just-" _Wakatoshi_. "I want you to know that there are people who care for you." _I know_. "And I'm one of them so," _Wakatoshi_. "Please don't be sad." _Wakatoshi_.

Eita's vision blurred as tears were in the way and oh wow his heart hurts a lot. It feels nice yet so bad at the same time. "I! I even brought Sunflower! To...to cheer you up. Oh please, please don't cry." Ushijima stood up to move to Eita's side. He fumbled, it's cute, he didn't know what to do and still, he did not touch Semi without his permission. Admirable, really.

His voice softened like last night. "Eita..."

"Sunflower??" Semi sniffled.

"M-my retriever." Ushijima's embarrassed, oh God his cheeks were flushed. Semi let out a wet laugh and the taller lit up in response to the positive reaction.

"You...! You named your dog Sunflower!" Semi was giggling now, and Ushijima's cheeks didn't lose its flushed color.

"Y-yeah. That's her." The dog wagged its tail and happily barked in response.

 

 

Man, petting Sunflower was nice. The dog was such a good girl, she gave in to Semi's coos and even gave him complementary cuddles. What a cutie, really.

The door opened and Iwaizumi was home.

"Hmm? Why are there yellow roses here? Semi, I thought you hated roses. Especially the yellow ones?"

"Not anymore, Iwaizumi!" Semi replied from the kitchen. His roommate scoffed.

"You're so weird."

"We're having pasta tonight!"

Iwaizumi's eyes lit up. "Oh nice! Good choice, Semi!"

"By the way, do you think we should get a pet?"

"As long as it's a lizard, then I'm in."

"Nevermind."

 

* * *

 

"He's asking you out." Suga.

"He's totally asking you out!" Yukie.

"He totally is not. He was just being honest." Semi whined.

"Eita, honey. That is literally the equivalent of _'I am asking you out'_."

"Ughhhhhhhhh."

"Did you say yes yet?"

"Say yes."

"GODDAMNIT."

 

* * *

 

Ushijima took Semi out for dinner. Then another. And another. Then a walk to the park, with Sunflower. Then to the movies. And then to another dinner, in a fancy restaurant this time. Semi felt spoiled, he never went out this much with someone else before but it was better than nothing and to top it all off, it was Ushijima he was with. It's overwhelming. He felt guilty knowing that Ushijima was willing to do this much and spend so much time (and money) for him. Next time, it'll be him who will be treating the spiker.

Basically, all of these qualified as dates. Problem is, they weren't even dating. It so just happened that out of the goodness of his heart, Ushijima is doing Semi favors.

Ushijima has asked him if he wanted to go somewhere he wanted. If Semi was to be specific, he'd choose that one vintage music store down the block, or a drive to the flower fields or the baywalk (both being really photogenic places), or just stargaze and wait for the sunrise the next day. And so they went. Ushijima was down for whatever Semi was in and really, the latter couldn't ask for more. He was all about simple adventures and he seemed so passionate when going to the beach, Sunflower running in the sand, and Semi just stops in the spot where the water feels just right. It's when he closes his eyes and inhales the air that he looks so ethereal. It's as if the problems and anxieties weren't even there in the first place.

Taking this chance, Ushijima looks for the perfect angle and takes a picture of him.

Semi asked the spiker this time, if there are things he wanted to do or places he wanted to go. Ushijima thinks about it, and just said that he wanted to witness the meteor shower before sunrise tomorrow.

"A meteor shower? I never saw one before." Semi cooed.

"Is that so? Come with me tomorrow. I'll pick you up. We'll go somewhere where we can truly see everything."

"You'll bring your dog?"

"Nope. I'd like it to be just us." Ushijima smiled.

Semi felt a pang in his chest and he prayed that his hands weren't so cold. His heart was beating so fast he's afraid Ushijima was going to hear it. He can't think straight, he wants to do something, anything to keep his feelings at bay. But then again, he can't help but do something stupid. Because well, he's in love. And when you're in love, you become stupid.

"I want to kiss you."

He saw Ushijima's eyes widen.

"Do what you want, Eita." Ushijima says, but they're both already moving closer to each other, so close they could feel each other's breath on their lips.

"I'm really doing it, Wakatoshi," Semi whispers. Ushijima chuckled, so, so close against him. "I'm warning you. I'm giving you a chance to push me away and run."

"No need for that. Go ahead."

 _Fuck it. I love you_ , he slid his arms around the taller's neck, closing his eyes and finally, finally kissed him. Ushijima kissed him back, with a slight hint of aggressiveness but his large hands feel so gentle, warm, and safe against Semi's skin. The taller's lips feel so soft, feels just right. Semi bit Ushijima's bottom lip and gently licked, asking for entrance. The latter happily obliged, holding Semi closer, even closer as if they weren't already trapped in the embrace. Semi could feel himself get hard, what with all the moving Ushijima's hands were doing.

Semi moaned, rocking his hips against the other. Ushijima slid his hands to Semi's ass and squeezed, making Semi giggle in the process. "Hey."

"Sorry." Said Ushijima but he didn't really mean it. His voice lacked remorse.

They stayed like this for a while, both in each other's hold just kissing, feeling. Semi had slid his hands inside Ushijima's shirt at one point and the taller didn't even mind.

Both needed to breathe, especially Semi, and they eventually released. They shared gazes for a while and laughed.

" _Yo_." Semi cracks. "That was something else."

"Kindly elaborate." Ushijima smirks, his voice equally rough and husky. It made Semi shiver.

"Just...something, you know? I can't...I can't exactly describe it."

"I love you." _Finally_.

"Me-" He saw the glint in Ushijima's eyes. The taller was anticipating. "M-Meteor shower tomorrow, okay?" Semi gulped.

He heard Wakatoshi sigh, but he didn't protest. Eita was going to ask Iwaizumi a favor when he gets home. He felt the need to be punched. Severely.

 _Stupid, stupid_.

 

* * *

 

_Dear Iwaizumi,_

_As you may know, I'm away when you'll wake up and read this. Don't worry, I'll be back for breakfast. I just need to watch the meteor shower today with Wakatoshi. I'll send you a video, that is, if I remember and if the camera could capture the event. See you._

_Semi._

 

* * *

 

"I'm back!"

"'Sup," Iwaizumi greets. "Where's Ushijima?"

"He said he had to go jogging. He dropped me off because he was worried that I didn't eat breakfast when I got there."

Iwaizumi scrunched his nose. "Dude it's like you're dating or something. I never thought I'd see the day Ushijima becomes absolutely smitten with someone."

Semi loosely laughs. Iwaizumi just stares at him, suddenly aware of the change of atmosphere. "Are you guys dating?"

"No," Semi answers quickly. Suspicious. "He's just a friend."

Iwaizumk smirked. "Hmm."

"He really _is_ just a friend. He didn't ask me out, and I never told him how I feel about him."

"What do you feel about him?"

Semi halts. Iwaizumi smirked. _Gotcha_. "I don't know." _Liar_. "The same way you feel about Oikawa, I guess."

Iwaizumi flushes. "I don't understand."

"You do, _Iwa-chaaaaan_."

"Quit it. How was the meteor shower?"

"IT WAS BREATHTAKING. Oh man, Iwaizumi you should have seen it!"

"And ruin your date? I am not a heartless man, Semi."

"It wasn't a date."

"Yeah and I hate Oikawa."

 

* * *

 

Semi found his roommate suddenly rummaging through his closet. Some of his shirts were already there on his bed, crumpled and abandoned by the spiky-haired man.

"Ahem." Iwaizumi left him unheard.

"AHEM."

"WHAT." Iwaizumi finally budged.

"What are you doing?" He nonchalantly asked. This is nothing to him; if Iwaizumi's clothes caught his interest he would honestly do himself a favor and rummage through the latter's closet as well. Iwaizumi finally stood up, a shirt in hand, and skinny jeans on his shoulders. He faced his roommate with sheer determination in his eyes.

"I'm choosing your clothes for you. Put these on, I'll let you borrow my socks."

Confusion was evidently etched on Semi's features. "Excuse me? Why would I need to wear these? Are we going somewhere? Is it obligatory roommate date night?"

"No," Iwaizumi answered from the other room. "We're having dinner with Sawamura and the gang. That means, your best friend is coming too."

"And Oikawa?" Semi smirks. He hears Iwaizumi scoff.

"Yes. He's there too. And Kuroo, and Bokuto.  Basically all of us reuniting and shit. Your scary blocker's coming too, by the way."

"Satori?" Semi started undressing.

"Yeah that guy. Oh and of course, hashtag Mr. Perfect would be there."

"What kind of bullshit nickname is that? Did Koushi tell you that?"

Iwaizumi heartily laughs. "Who else? My socks are here by the way. Come and get 'em."

"Yes, mom."

 

* * *

 

 

Ushijima, Semi learned, has had dated three people.

The first one, if he could even call it ' _dating_ ', was a girl in middle school. Ushijima said it wasn't even serious, but they did go out together. However, he doesn't remember her name or what she looked like anymore.

"How could you _forget_ someone you dated?" Semi waved his hands around, his face morphed into a frown.

Ushijima hands him a cigarette to which the former setter politely declined. "I was only 14. I didn't know jack shit. All I remember was she confessed to me just like in the movies and I didn't know how to turn someone down. So I just went with it I guess."

"And you guys managed to date for how long?"

"More or less two months? We lasted that long," Ushijima snickers, "because I asked my senpais on what to do when you're dating someone. Some days she was happy because I gave her flowers and stuff, but then she'd get mad because I was too focused on volleyball and I was too cold for her own liking. I didn't understand what she said and so I decided we should just break it off."

Semi mouthed a very heart-felt, _why?_

The spiker shrugged his shoulders. "I got tired. Dick move, I know. But I still thought I made the right choice. She was too....pushy and demanding. Going out with her was exhausting."

"It's amazing how you could remember this much but not her name." They both shared a laugh.

 

The second one was Oikawa Tooru, right after the Spring Tournament. Now this one was what caught Semi off guard. He didn't even think Oikawa would hang out, much less go out with Ushijima. The setter always looked like he wanted to strangle Ushijima whenever they would meet.

But yes, they did date, and even Oikawa himself can confirm that. (Iwaizumi knew too, and his face darkened when Semi asked him about it. It wasn't a pretty sight.)

"I always thought he hated me with all his might you know? I think everyone knew it. Even I was surprised when he asked me out."

So Oikawa was the one who made the move? How unexpected. The spiker said that after Karasuno took the place to represent the prefecture in the Nationals, every other team including theirs seemed to have changed overnight. Karasuno's victory against them left a very great impact, especially on Oikawa, and Ushijima thought that was the reason why he did things he wouldn't usually do. Like, hang out with him. Or invite him to eat ramen after practice. Or go to the movies with him. Typical date stuff.

" _I'll toss to you._ " Oikawa had said, milkbread in hand. Ushijima almost stopped in his tracks. " _There in the park's open court. But you shouldn't slack off._ "

The setter walked off fast, unusually fast because he was embarrassed to finally say that but Ushijima didn't follow, he was still taking the time to process everything.

" _Oi, Ushiwaka! Are you deaf or something? Let's-_ "

" _Why are you doing this?_ " Ushijima's deep voice resonated in Oikawa's veins. This time the brunet was the one who stopped, and Ushijima approached him, a big frown forming on his lips. " _You know you don't want to toss to me, much less become friends. Is this a dare, Oikawa? If it is, you can stop now. It's not funny anymore._ "

" _HA?!_ " Oikawa's brows furrowed. " _You really think I'd be so low to do that to you?! I'm doing this because I want to, not because I'm stupid enough to take a dare and play you! My God, Ushijima how can you be so dense? Really?_ " His voice quivered. " _You really think so lowly of me? Sure, you're annoying with all your Shiratorizawa pestering but I don't dislike you. In fact, I am hopelessly, undeniably, stupidly in love with you! This is why I'm willing to do so much just to see your frustrating face! Dude I even have masturbated at the thought of you!"_

Ushijima flinched in his spot, face flushed, but not so deeply colored as Oikawa's. A pair of women jogging passed by, and Oikawa immediately shut up. Ushijima chuckled.

" _Shit_...." Oikawa brought his hands up to his head and slid his fingers in his hair. He slowly crouched down, not looking up at Ushijima who was already walking closer to him. " _Tooru....Tooru you idiot...hnnnnnnnnggggghh"_

" _Oikawa_ ," Ushijima called. " _Oikawa_ ," he deeply chuckled, crouching down to the setter's level. " _Oikawa look at me. Look at me, please."_

He gently took Oikawa's arms but the setter immediately flinched back, still not looking at Ushijima. The spiker huffed, " _Oikawa_." He moved closer so that he could whisper to the brunet's ear. Cute, even his ears were flushed. " _Tooru_."

That seemed to do the trick, Oikawa's pretty brown eyes already in his line of sight. His brows still furrowed and his arms didn't budge a bit. " _Hey, cutie._ "

" _Nnnnnnnnnnghhhh fuck you._..."

" _You even thought of that_?" Ushijima joked, earning a glare from Oikawa. The setter finally removed his arms and stood up, wiping little tears from his eyes with his sleeve. " _Go out with me._ " He says in such a deep and stoic way even Ushijima got surprised. The spiker stood up as well, and says in an equally deep and neutral voice, " _Sure_."

The two men both broke character and laughed, Oikawa slowly moving towards Ushijima to hug him, and the latter welcomed him with open arms. Oikawa nuzzled his face in Ushijima's neck and if the spiker could listen closely, he could hear Oikawa purring.

" _Wakatoshiiiii_." Oikawa sighed, burying his face deeper in Ushijima's neck. " _I love youuuuuu_." The taller chuckled in response and kissed his head.

Their relationship was that of a very playful one. When Ushijima was with Oikawa, his smile seemed to be sweeter, happier. When Oikawa was with Ushijima, he became more talkative, clingy, and just himself. They had fights too but they quickly made up. They were the dream team.

Everyone who knew of them dating was shocked when they found out, but really, what can you do when two people are so in love it's almost suffocating? When Oikawa told his best friend, Iwaizumi didn't immediately respond. He questioned the brunet first, why Ushijima of all people and Oikawa just responded with a hopeless: " _I just fell, Iwa-chan. Deep_." The ace said that he was happy that Oikawa finally made peace with Ushijima in the most unlikely way, but the way he got so out of it during practice did not escape Matsukawa and Hanamaki's attention.

They lasted for a year and three months, and Oikawa ended it just as he started it. His reason was: _It's still Iwa-chan after all._

_"I'm sorry, Wakatoshi. I really did love you, you know?"_

Ushijima responds with a quiet, " _I know_."

 

Last but not least, Wakatoshi had dated Karasuno's pretty manager: Shimizu Kiyoko. They broke up just six months ago.

The reason why Ushijima got so enthralled with her wasn't only because of her striking beauty, but because of her mind. Her soul.

Shimizu was like a calmer, gentler female version of Ushijima. They were both people of few words, they were cold and serious, but they were equally silly when they needed to. She was a dreamy one. Smart and serious. Wakatoshi's mother liked her. Wakatoshi liked her more.

It wasn't exactly a breeze trying to get her parents' approval. Ushijima had to go through...challenges. He wasn't exactly Shimizu's dad's favorite. It was hard pleasing the man. _Men indulged in sports will get you nowhere Kiyoko. I told you to go for those who have stable jobs and secure you,_ her father would say.

 _"I'm sorry Ushijima-kun,_ " she bowed. They were in Wakatoshi's unit. " _Father has standards and honestly, I'd leave the place if I could._ "

Ushijima moved closer to her and kissed her cheek. " _If I had a daughter I'd feel the same. Only...I would make my standards attainable and well, realistic_ ," she snorted and lightly slapped her boyfriend's shoulder.

He chuckled. " _It's okay, Kiyoko._ "

" _We're okay_." She smiled. _"I love you baby boy."_ She kissed him gently on the lips.

They ended their relationship when she realized she didn't want to be his anymore. He didn't understand at first but he got it the moment he saw how she looked at this girl named Yachi.

  
"Won't you tell me about your past loves, Eita?"

"Aha, I'd rather not. I took part in one-night stands, Wakatoshi. You can't expect me to remember them all."

"You're bragging."

"Am not."

Ushijima put his head on Semi's shoulder, lit cigarette in hand. This was nice.

 

* * *

 

"Eita!" Suga came running to squish Semi between his arms, wide smile in tact. "You came!!!!!"

"Ow, ow. Okay, Koushi. Stop. I can't breathe. Oh hey Sawamura. Koushi, please."

"Hello Semi-san." Daichi replied. "They're already inside." Sugawara released Semi from his strong hold and grabbed his arm.

"Have you guys been waiting long? I'm sorry."

"It's quite alright. Suga wanted to fetch you."

Suga pulled Semi by the arm, hard. "Come on! Everyone's there already! Mr. Perfect has been waiting for youuuuu!"

"Whoopie." Iwaizumi said monotonously.

"Tooru's there too, Iwaizumi-kun~" Suga winked, snickering when the spiky haired ace rolled his eyes.

 _Wouldn't it be sorta awkward around him and Wakatoshi?_ Semi thought. He shrugged it off when they got inside the restaurant.

 

* * *

 

He was greeted by an overly familiar face and vibrant red hair. "Semisemi!!" In the other side of the table, poor Iwaizumi was tackled by none other than Oikawa.

Tendou patted the seat next to him. "Sit here, Eita-kun! We have a lot of catching up to do." Semi looked at everyone. Man, what a rowdy bunch. Even Akaashi was dragged in here. Semi inhaled. He missed these guys a lot.

"Eyy! The drinks are here!" Kuroo called. Bokuto started handing them out to everyone and Semi blinked at the beverage. Beer. Hmm. He doesn't drink, though? Ushijima nudged him and whispered, "It'd be rude to refuse. This was Bokuto's treat after all." Alright. Okay.

The group started talking about each and everyone's lives, how they were doing, basically catching up on good times. Kuroo was already one of his school's top potential scientists. Iwaizumi slapped him on the back as a resounding "Congratulations, man!" Bokuto, however, was already teaching in a volleyball course for kids and the pay was great. This explains the sudden reunion, and really, everyone was just enjoying.

"Didja guys know that Keiji's starting a music career?" Bokuto announced.

Sugawara momentarily stopped stuffing his mouth with ramen and lifted his head. "Hmm? Dath cool. Hwat dath he pleh?"

"Oh my God, Suga-chan. _Gross_." Oikawa grimaced. To his demise, Sugawara just ignored him. Iwaizumi and Daichi were both snickering.

"The violin! My Keiji's going places! He's doing collabs and stuff and if he keeps going, he'll be going on tour!" Bokuto boasted, Akaashi was hiding his face with his hands.

"Bokuto-san, please stop...."

"Damn you go for it, Akaashi!"

"Yeah, earn more bucks than Bokuto does!"

"Hey!"

"Kick some ass, Keiji-kun," Semi cooed.

Akaashi scooted closer to Bokuto, his hands still covering his face. "Thank you everyone."

They talked about another topic, then a next one. The conversations keep going, and it felt great. Everyone was just happy with how they were. Tendou, Sugawara, and Iwaizumi kept ordering more beer and it's a surprise that they could still hold a proper talk with everyone else, though Iwaizumi was starting to wobble a bit.

"Ugh, Iwaizumi," Semi whined. "I am not taking your drunk ass into the dorm today."

Oikawa waved him off. "Don't worry Semi-chan! I'm bringing Iwa-chan to my place today, that is why he's having the time of his life right now, ain't that right, Iwa-chan?" He smirked at the already flushed Iwaizumi.

"Shut up, Shittykawa. Such a headache." He growled.

"So mean!"

"Somebody's looking forward to getting his ass drilled tonight!" Sugawara cackled. Everyone in the table laughed, and Tendou almost spat his beer out.

"Suga! You can't say that!" Daichi whined.

"I can and you can't stop me Daichi!"

Oikawa put his hands together as he called, "Drill his ass too, Sawa-chan!"

"Children please, this is a christian school." Ushijima said so seriously. The group bursted out laughing. Bokuto was already holding on for dear life. Kuroo was repeatedly slapping Tendou's arm but the latter was already out of it. Semi covered his eyes, shoulders shaking.

"Ushiwaka!"

"I am but a concerned mother of two. I refuse to tolerate any of this indecency in this community."

 

* * *

 

"Semi-san, is there something going on between you and Ushijima-san?" Everyone in the table stopped what they were doing and looked at the pair. Akaashi was already drunk, and he becomes incredibly nosy when drunk.

"H-huh?"

Kuroo put his chin on his hand. "Yeah, Semi. There's this certain _vibe_ between you and the big guy. Something going on?"

Semi flushed. Suga released a cough and Iwaizumi was wiggling his eyebrows already. These two...

"What do you want to know?" Ushijima jokingly asked. This intrigued the crowd even more.

"So there is something! Semisemi!" Great. Now Tendou isn't going to shut up about this.

"Guys I can totally assure you that there is nothing going on between me and Wakatoshi. We're just friends."

Ah shit why did he say that? Even Ushijima was surprised. Well what did he expect, did he think Semi was going to announce anything about their "thing" that doesn't even exist? They weren't a thing. Were they?

"Aha, yeah. Totally believable. And I am wearing alien boxers today." Oikawa took a sip of Iwaizumi's 4th beer.

"Are you?"

"No of course not, Tetsu-chan."

"Oh man! EVERYONE TAKE A PICTURE OF DAICHI! HAHAHA!"

"Yo Sawamura is wasted!"

"Make sure you capture his drool!"

"Gross, Sawa-chan!

Semi didn't move an inch.

 

* * *

 

Like all good things, the dinner went to an end and everyone had to part ways. They all thanked Bokuto for the treat and so they went their separate ways. Bokuto, the less drunk of them all (aside from Semi who didn't drink a thing. Not even a sip of beer), was going to drop off Kuroo in his apartment and Tendou in Kawanishi's place. Akaashi and Tendou were both sleeping like logs in the backseat.

Sugawara was going to stay at Sawamura's tonight and Iwaizumi at Oikawa's. Oikawa gave a subtle handshake and a hug to Ushijima before bidding goodbye. "Use protection kids." He winked.

Semi flushed, and Ushijima responded with a small "You as well."

Oikawa stuck his tongue out. "I wouldn't take advantage of Iwa-chan while he's drunk, you beast."

"Hmm. Yes. Okay."

And they all went home, which leaves just Semi and Ushijima. Together in all their awkward glory. "I'll go with you." Ushijima said. Semi replied with a little, _okay_.

They got into Semi and Iwaizumi's dorm and Semi fumbled with his jacket to find the keys in his pocket. The only sound heard between them was their breathing and the jingle of keys until Semi decided to break the ice.

"You should stay. You're drunk and I'm not letting you smoke without my supervision."

"I promise I won't smoke tonight."

"Tonight," The door opened and both men entered, "And for always. Ushijima Wakatoshi must refrain from smoking from now on."

He turned around to face the spiker and the latter just looked at him. He blinked, and Semi wondered if he said something wrong. Ushijima almost looked sad. The former placed his jacket on the coat rack and asked, "Wakatoshi?"

Ushijima slid down and sat on the carpeted floor. "What are you doing?! It's cold like that!" Semi cried.

"It's carpeted."

"It's not as thick as it looks, smartass."

"Is this what friends do?" Ushijima held his hand. Semi flushed at the contact. His hand was warm.

"Huh?"

"Friends," Ushijima held his other hand and intertwined their hands together. Semi's hands were freezing. "Do they do this?"

"Wakatoshi, I-"

"Friends don't kiss like we do, Eita." Olive orbs stared into brown ones. Semi's heart was pounding.

He didn't know what to say, and for a moment he had forgotten how to breathe. His heart kept pounding and pounding he could feel it in his ears and he just wanted to sit down. He hates the carpeted floor, but he sat down anyway.

"I don't feel like we're _friends_ ," he stared down at their hands. "Are-are we pretending to be something we're not?"

"We're not exactly dating either, Wakatoshi." Semi managed to say. "We can't just jump to conclusions just because we kissed multiple times."

"But you can't deny the fact that we have something."

He didn't reply. His eyes were still downcast.

"I'm in love with you, _so much_ that it hurts already, and I know you feel the same yet you denied when Akaashi and the others asked about us. Are you...are you ashamed of me?"

"I'm not!" He raised his head so fast to look at Wakatoshi. "I'm not ashamed of you, I could never do that! I just didn't know what to say and I can't say anything because we aren't dating. I don't want to put an uncertain label on us that would lead to people assuming things."

"Yet you labeled us as friends."

"I didn't know what to say, Wakatoshi? Okay?" He feels another panic attack coming. No, no. Not in front of him. _Please_. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean-"

Ushijima's features softened. He moved closer to put his forehead against Semi's. "It's okay, Eita. We're okay."

"I'm sorry," a whisper.

"Shh. It's fine. You're fine," he kissed his forehead. "I love you."

Semi's heart hurt again. He placed Ushijima's hands on his cheeks and held them there. "Me too."

"Say it, Eita." Quiet. " _Please."_

"I love you too, Wakatoshi. I love you so much."

They stayed like that for minutes, until Semi complained about the cold carpet.

At least, he finally said it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> haha kill me


End file.
